The Passion Of The Bieber: Religious Overtones In Never Say Never

If you were worried that Justin Bieber’s perfect helmet of hair was achieved through some sort of blood pact with the devil, good news!  It turns out he’s (just like every other teen idol) totally in love with Jesus.

The Bieber’s new movie really highlights his “devotion to Christ,†or however it is people describe it when they are really into God and stuff.  In fact, USA Today reveals that Paramount screened Never Say Never to several “faith leaders†in the nation and distributed spiritual discussion guides along with it, which is the same way they promoted The Passion of the Christ and The Blind Side.  

Biebsie’s people say the movie simply highlights the spiritual aspect of his life, although it’s entirely probable that spreading that message around is just a subtle way of saying, “Hey, my music won’t encourage your children to worship The Dark One, so don’t be afraid, parents with expendable income.”  It’s a shortcut to wholesomeness that can only be spoiled by pole dancing or crotch shots or smoking a ginormous bong on camera, which, frankly, would all be kind of amazing for Justin Bieber to do.  Win-win situation! Brilliant plan you guys.

And he didn’t even have to put on a promise ring…