The 17 Sexiest VILF’s (Vampires I’d Like To F**k) Of All Time

Kate Beckinsale’s Selene character basically takes a super-hot vampire, teaches her how to use guns, and dresses her in skin-tight black leather. How on Earth could anybody have a problem with this?

Bryce Dallas Howard plays Victoria in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse and reminds us that the only attractive gingers are the ones on the big screen. The fact that she wants to destroy Bella only makes her hotter!

Yes, that is a freaking vampire. They don’t all have to look like the chicks from Fright Night. And if you look closely enough in the background, you can see Tom Savini is nearly having a stroke from being in such close proximity to Salma Hayek’s barely clothed-ass. Or maybe he’s just realized the prospect of an onscreen boner is more terrifying than any of the zombie makeup he ever did.

Apparently when you’re the Queen of the Damned (Get it?! That’s the title!!!), your hobbies include filing your fake nails into points, doing lots of crunches, and surfing the web for the world’s smallest shirt made out of metal. Not that we’re complaining.

Since the dawn of man, gingers have never been given respect. Freaks with an unusual immunity to anesthetic, gingers are feared and often regarded as awkward or ugly. However, nothing deserves more respect than a ginger-vampire about to take a chunk out of your neck. Sophie Ann (Evan Rachel Woods), puts the D’s in undead. Startlingly sexy, this vampire turns all stereotypical ginger jokes to gape mouthed staring. You won’t find this in the bathroom self-consciously crying and ripping blow with Carrot Top, but you might find her behind you, ready to bite.

The red-haired goddess that was Sharon Tate sat atop her beauty throne as the sexiest vampire of the 60′s. You probably recognize her as Roman Polanski’s wife who was tragically offed in 1969 by Charles Mason and his accomplices. Here, however, the very much alive Sharon Tate played the role of Sarah Shagal. A stunning, agile, young redhead caught between Count von Krolock’s house of vampires and two academic vampire hunters. Some other stuff happens in the movie, but try to take your eyes off Sharon long enough to figure it out. See? Impossible.

In Countess Dracula, Countess Elisabeth (Ingrid Pitt) is an aging vampire who rules her vampire kingdom with the help of stoner/lover Captain Dobi. In a lame attempt to add conflict to the story, the Countess discovers she must rub on/drink the blood of a sexy virgin to keep herself feeling/looking young. Maybe she’s born with it? I guess not since slaying sexy virgins sounds like the weekend routine at a frat house.

There’s just something about those giant 19th century dresses that gets our blood pumping. The beautiful Nina Dobrev plays Katherine Pierce on Vampire Diaries. She’s a murderous vampire and frankly, kind of a skank.

Vampire, half-vampire, really these are just technicalities. The point is Jami Gertz was smoking hot, enough that not only would we watch Lost Boys, we would also watch Solarbabies at the drop of a hat, and that movie sucks.

Everyone knows Asian hospitality rules, and Lucy Lui is no exception. In Rise: Blood Hunter, Lucy plays a reluctant reporter-turned-vampire out for revenge against the bad vampires that bit her. Making the jump from super ninja to vampire is easy when you’re dressed in sexy black leather and killing without mercy. Lucy spends the whole movie killing not people, but vampires. Asian vamp on vamp action? Hot.

Okay, Monica Belluci is pretty much the hottest anything in anything, so thank you for playing a vampire. It made writing this list a lot easier. *Bonus* She goes totally topless. Although it’s kind of hard to think sexy thoughts when Gary Oldman looks like Yoda and the bad guy from Big Trouble in Little China had a baby and it turned into a vampire.

Darla was a vicious, vicious vampire with a really nice rack. AGH! What a terrible combination.

Although several poodles had to die to make her hair for this film, we judge not. Because she’s the chick from Flashdance, and she’s got a smoking hot body, whether somebody is dumping a bucket of water on her heaving chest, or she’s making out with Nicolas Cage, which is saying something because he’s a real weenie shrinker.

She might be 60, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a better figure than your girlfriend. Plus she loves Coors Light, and her boobs are huge enough to make a gigantic pumpkin look like something a 3-year old would use to collect candy on Halloween.

Let’s be realistic, there’s only one reason we’re watching this movie, and it ain’t because the cinematography is so breathtaking. Here’s a clue: did you happen to notice the word “Lesbos” in the title?

That’s right, there was actually a time when Lauren Hutton wasn’t just some old bag on TV trying to sell “mineral makeup” to your girlfriend. There was also a time when Jim Carrey was young enough to play the lead in a “wacky” teenage vampire comedy. And the two sets of circumstances collided in the rather unfortunate Once Bitten.

She might not be as downright whorish as a lot of the women on this list, but she’s from the “I feel awfully bad I turned you into a vampire, is there anything I can do to help” school of vampirism, which somehow makes her more approachable than the old-fashioned “rip your throat out with my teeth” types.