Top 10 Anti-Scientology CelebsWednesday, November 4, 2009 5:38 PM
Celebrity Scientologists often make it their agenda to promote their sci-fi inspired beliefs. Every third sentence is about a space opera and how to get started on a great opportunity that will change your life. All you need is a 7-figure balance, a Paypal account, and no grasp of common sense and you too can befriend celebrities who believe 75 million years ago there was an intergalactic ruler called Xenu (Zee-Noo) who killed off the alien population. Of course, many rational citizens of Teegeeack (Earth) don’t believe such things. Here is a list of anti-scientology celebrities with enough common sense to keep their bank accounts intact.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone
I didn’t see what the fuss over Scientology was until the late Isaac Hayes took offense to South Park’s Scientology episode. Hayes hypocritically resigned when Scientology was ridiculed, this after years of watching as South Park slammed other religions with the same crass, nothing is sacred humor. Next came Closetgate in 2006 when Tom Cruise threatened Comedy Central parent Viacom to boycott promoting Mission Impossible III if Comedy Central were to rebroadcast the South Park Scientology episode. In a statement made to Daily Variety, Matt Stone and Trey Parker had this to say: “So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies… You have obsructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail!”
In the episode, South Park explains what Scientologists believe:
Scientologists claim there’s no scientific basis for the medical treatment of psychiatric illnesses. Hence, they believe psychiatrists like Dr. Drew have directly caused every horror over the past many millions of years. It’s because of these anti-psychiatric beliefs that someone as batshit as Tom Cruise is walking around without meds. Not to mention without weight-loss pills. Kirstie Alley looks like a walrus ate her. By the way, these aren’t insults (Kirstie loves the Beatles, “I am the walrus, Koo-koo ka choo!”), it’s the qualified opinion of Dr. Drew.
Drew Pinsky, a board-certified specialist and host of a nationally syndicated talk show, Loveline, said this about Tom Cruise: “A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood, maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”
The Director and writer of Crash as well as the screenwriter of Million Dollar Baby and Quantum of Solace, Paul Haggis was an active member of the Church of Scientology for 35 years. He was motivated to leave because of Scientology’s silence over Prop 8 and other gay right’s issues. So, it doesn’t look like Haggis took a rational eye to the tinfoil alien beginnings of mankind, inasmuch as he just got upset about their lack of Gay Pride. It’s a borderline attack, but we commend anyone who says, I’m queer! I’m here! And I’m fabulous!
In a real quote, Haggis stated, “They wouldn’t do what I wanted them to do, so I’m gonna’ denounce them.” Scientologists later released a statement saying Haggis was the queen of hissy fits.
It’s been widely reported that L. Ron Hubbard said, “If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.” And for that reason, Elvis would not get started on Scientology. You couldn’t pry money or Kentucky Fried chicken from the King’s greasy paws. Alanna Nash writes in Elvis Aaron Presley: Revelations From The Memphis Mafia: “One day, in LA, we got in the limousine and went down to the Scientology Centre on Sunset, and Elvis went in and talked to them. We waited in the car, but apparently they started doing all these charts and crap for him. Elvis came out and said “Fuck those people! There’s no way I’ll ever get involved with that son-of-a-bitchin’ group. All they want is my money.” Well, Peggy still kept on about it, so Elvis didn’t date her any more. And he stayed away from Scientology like it was a cobra. He’d shit a brick to see how far Lisa Marie’s gotten into it.”
Lisa Marie Presley, heir to the Elvis estate, apparently didn’t inherit her father’s dislike for the religion. Her marriage to Michael Jackson ended after 20 months, as did her 4 month grip on Nicholas Cage’s manhood. The divorce between Jacko and Lisa Marie cited irreconcilable differences, but a factor appeared to be Jacko couldn’t get out of his billion year contract to Joe Jackson or he’d get the smackdown. That, and he liked little boys. What? Sorry, but if Scientologists can gloss over that, then so can I.
You know Rob Thomas as the guy who sang with Santana once (he’s also sold over 80 million records worldwide, proving once again that if it makes my ears bleed, then it’s music). In 2005, someone with no evidence whatsoever supplied a rumor that Thomas, lead singer of Matchbox Twenty, was linked to having extra-sexual affairs with Tom Cruise. I knew this was coming out! However, Thomas denied any extra-sexual activity (I mean extra-marital, but damn my dyslexics!!), and said “If I were gay, Tom wouldn’t be on the top of my list. It would be Brad Pitt.” Thomas was actually more upset with other rumors, and said “I’m more offended by the rumors saying I’m Scientologist.” Either way, Thomas is definitely not having sex with men or women, since he’s married. Duh! There are like oaths involved with marriage. And just like
The man who played Mulder on “X-files” wants the truth out there about Scientology, as he’s seen how the pseudo religion ruins lives and friendships. Former scientologist Jason Beghe (Duchovny’s childhood pal) was the best man at his marriage to actress Tea Leoni. However, Beghe’s 14 years as a Scientologist often strained their lifelong friendship.
Here, on Duchovny’s television series Californication, a woman is crushed because she found out that her boyfriend is gay. With first hand knowledge of exterrestials and second hand knowledge of Scientology, David responds, “Well, it could be worse, he could be … A SCIENTOLOGIST.”
Steve Martin, a comedian/actor known for his roles in movies like The Jerk, Parenthood, and Father of the Bride, took a thinly veiled jab at Scientology with his feature film Bowfinger. Martin has denied that the film’s pseudo-religious organization MindHead is based on Scientology, specifically claiming it to be more a pastiche of various other things he had observed. However, if MindHead were a Scientology substitute, it would be complete with levels and stages and celebrities with sexual orientation issues. Also, during the 2009 Oscars, in what had to be a swipe at Scientology, Martin and Tina Fey extolled the power of their made up religion’s ”Alien King Rondelay.”
Religions are continually ridiculed by popular late night talk show hosts. But even by religious standards, Scientology has taken quite a beating. Stephen Colbert has made a name for himself as one of the funniest hosts in the game on “The Colbert Report.” In the following intro, Colbert comments on Wiki vs. Scientology, but don’t miss the Best of Colbert on Scientology.
Nicole Kidman isn’t the only celebrity to call it quits over Scientology. Nope, thetans have broken up a lot of marriages. In 1997 Tom Berenger, famous for his roles in The Big Chill, Major League, and Platoon, divorced Lisa Williams, his wife of 11 years. According to reports, the marriage and his participation in Scientology ended when she started brainwashing their children into the cult. Berenger’s career went downhill following his public criticism of Scientology. In the late 90s, Berenger, then a good buddy of Tom Cruise, was quoted as saying “Once we convert Tom Selleck, the trio of Toms will bring true uplifting to the masses of The States.” Sadly, Selleck and Berenger being mentioned in league with Tom Cruise makes the 80s and 90s seem like ages ago.